Stop and Start Again

One of the most delightful things that has happened to me as a mother is the remarkable fortunate synchronization of my two eldest children’s birthday. Nearly two years to the day apart, I have been afforded the joyous opportunity for joint birthday parties.

Now sure, their age gap caused some tired crazy when they were little. But today, they are best buds who love each other dearly and who don’t mind a dual celebration in the least. This makes for a wild fiasco with the two of them each now inviting school friends plus family, but it’s one and DONE. Praise Jesus!

(DISCLAIMER: Don’t give me the fuss about “Oh, don’t they each need their own thing? They deserve to have two parties! How sad that you are robbing them of their own event!” When we were little, we were lucky to have a little party with coordinating Wal-Mart decorations with the little sugar candies on our cake and little balloons taped to the paneling wall. There was no giant fiesta for every year’s aging. I’m gonna milk that two for one deal for as many years as I can! Don’t judge me, man!)

So in the wake of the weekend’s celebration, we spent two days with present hangover as we put together, inserted batteries, read instructions, blah blah blah for all of the wonderful gifts they were so blessed to receive. Among the high-ranking items this year were a remote control helicopter and a pair of roller skates. I have found myself over the last two days watching as they both have fumbled to figure out the operation of these gifts. My middle has donned his roller skates nearly every morning immediately as he wakes and then flails through the house with reckless abandon as he tries to “train” for his new love of skating. My oldest has been pressing the controls with tentative precision as he tries to coordinate his helicopter’s movements to keep it in the air.

In the last two days, I have found myself unintentionally repeating the same advice to them both. “When you feel yourself start to crash, stop and start again.” As the helicopter comes barreling down into the hard cement of the garage floor, “When you feel yourself start to crash, stop and start again.” And when the roller skates give way to a careening tumble into the dishwasher, “When you feel yourself start to crash, stop and start again.”

And after two days, I couldn’t help but realize that those words were echoing loudly in my own heart and mind. “When you feel yourself start to crash, stop and start again.” Because while I feel like that is great advice for learning to skate or steering a helicopter, it is also excellent advice as I navigate my own life. I think sometimes as adults, we find ourselves starting to crash. But for fear of stopping, fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of imperfection, fear of the lack of control… we keep barreling ahead. And so when we crash, it makes it all the more gruesome. If only we could recognize the warning signs, we could stop and start again… and maybe save ourselves some pain of the crash.

If I got really honest, there are days when I feel like I am starting to crash. I’m tired. My heart is tired. My brain is tired. I don’t feel like doing anything, and yet I am angry with myself for not doing anything. I haven’t achieved the goals I wanted to achieve. I don’t always know what those goals even are sometimes. I don’t feel good enough, smart enough, active enough, strong enough to keep up with the grueling days that lie ahead. And I feel my sense of self slipping away. Sometimes that’s hard to explain. Because I have a beautiful life. A husband and three boys who I whole-heartedly adore and who gush back over me daily. But as a mother. As a wife. As a woman. I feel like I’m headed for a crash. Do you hear me? Do you feel me? Because I have the sneaking suspicion that in this culture of never ending demands for perfection, maybe just maybe, I might not be alone.

So what’s the secret? How do we avoid the crash? “When you feel yourself start to crash, stop and start again.” On the days when you feel like you are utterly drowning, stop and start again. When you find your brain submersed in thoughts of how imperfect you are and how you are surely failing, stop and start again. When you find yourself weak and weary from the burdens you are carrying, consider the weight of what you carry. I heard an excellent quote once that said, “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” I think that so often, we clench so tightly to our own control on a situation that we allow ourselves to be broken down by things that we were never meant to carry. The bible tells us to “carry one another’s burdens.” Is today a good day for you? Don’t underestimate the power of a simple encouraging word. It could be a game changer for someone. Not such a great day? Look to the ultimate Carrier of our burdens. When we fix our focus on Jesus, we will find rest for our weary souls and an exchange for our heavy burdens. Look to the Light and let the darkness fade away.

Feeling like you’re headed for a crash today? Know that you are not alone and take the time to stop and start again…